The Case for Weed and Cable

Oddly, I received an invitation to interview for a position I wasn't even going to apply for at the company I really, really, really want to work for because I thought I wasn't qualified for it and it seems arbitrarily difficult from the job description.  I interviewed a week ago and haven't heard anything about a second interview, so I'm sure they just interviewed me to pad out the process and make it look fair.  This is a high exposure position with a substantial learning curve so I'm not going to cry myself to sleep if I don't get hired for it.  I looked at the interview as an opportunity to experiment by doing some semi-tacky things I don't normally do.  For example, I took my big and cheesy purple, patent bag inside with me.  I also wore a semi-gaudy piece of cheap costume jewelry which promptly broke and caused me to jump and said "Oh my God!" when I saw one of the beads laying on my file folder and thought it was a bug.  I'll let you know the outcome of any further research along these lines.  Also interesting, there are two more requisitions open for the job I really, really, really wanted and am qualified to do, but for which I was immediately rejected.  I applied for both.  This means that they have three of this particular position available and I'll probably be rejected for the other two which will result in a triple-hate whammy.  I also applied for an HR internship they have available which would only be for the summer but would give me some HR experience and would be a way to get my foot in the door, which is apparently made of high-strength steel.  I applied for one other position there that's semi-related to my education and experience as an experiment thinking that their recruiting and hiring practices make absolutely no sense, so maybe I'd have a chance, but no dice. 
Today I received hate mail (my term for rejection letters) from the company who sent me the personality index assessment to complete for the $10/hr job I've applied for three times in the last two years (see example 2 in post What does it all mean?).  Apparently my credentials are not sufficient to meet their needs.  What the fuck do they expect for $10/hr? 
My unemployment account is empty and I received no instructions regarding applying for extended benefits as their website indicates I should have and when I log on to my account there is no option to apply for extended benefits so I'm sure for whatever stupid fucking reason I don't qualify.  I was really hoping to avoid ruining my summer by working some horrible job I could have had in high school and burning yet another bridge eventually, but it looks like that's not going to happen.  It's pretty sad when you can make a strong argument that doing nothing but weed and channel surfing (if you are lucky enough to be able to afford weed and cable) for several years would have yielded better results than pursuing higher education and gainful employment.  This revelation, I'm afraid, is the beginning of the end for me, folks.  Peace out.