Omega

Omega.  I am so done, I need a new word for it.  If there were a word to describe how final this all is I would use it, but there isn't one.  Only the word omega is somehow appropriate here and, again, I am so done with the insanity.  For those of you who don't know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  It is a sad day in America when you can say that the search for dignified employment for an educated, articulate, and capable person is insane.

As if going to college (over and over) after several years of sharp increases in education costs and record levels of national student debt and graduating into the worst job market in 70 years isn't bad enough, now I get to do it again.  Yes, after an associate's degree, two bachelor's degrees, and a master's degree I'm returning to school to get a fucking diploma.  I know what you're thinking; insanity, right?  No! This time it makes sense because it is conducive to self-employment.  I don't know what the fuck I was thinking before!  Probably nothing, because I never received one practical piece of advice or guidance from a single adult in my life, ever.  (By the way, what the fuck is the purpose of guidance counselors anyway?)  I was told things like "you can be anything you want to be" and "you can do anything you want to do" and "all you have to do is go to college and you can work anywhere you want".  Not fucking true, assholes!  The truth is, opportunities in life are very few and far between and they are highly dependent on the area in which you live and the people you know (and, in my case, they are usually attached to some bizarre set of circumstances).  Not only that, much of life has to do with luck and, baby, I ain't got none.

After all the trauma to which I've been subject (and it was especially traumatic from a human resources standpoint in the sense that I got to see firsthand how shit rolls downhill and unfolds most scandalously from the employer side of things and it's not good) I can finally say that I'm going to put this whole nightmare of the last four years behind me kind of because there simply aren't any jobs available that I can even apply for, but mostly because I fear for my mental health.  (By the way, I was selected to attend a follow up indignity - see posting from June 12 for a run down - and had to explain to the same cunt I've met with before that the largest two employers in town are decreasing the size of their workforces through attrition, are paying people to retire, and one - a public institution - is operating on a $3 million budget deficit.  I also had to explain that, like her, most people aren't in positions of influence within their organizations and can't just invent positions that don't exist so calling employers all day long is, in fact, not a productive use of my time).  Everyone has a limit to the level of exposure they can tolerate before they implode and I've hit my fucking limit and then some.  This is over.  I have hope for the future only because I will never, ever, have to work for another human being if I choose not to, ever.  If I choose.  If I choose!  I will have a choice!  DID YOU HEAR ME MOTHER FUCKERS?!  CHOICES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I've never had them before.  Maybe my circumstances are forcing me into this, but this excessive use of force is giving me CHOICES people!  Even if I am destined to hover on the poverty line for the rest of my life at least it will be on my fucking terms.

On a final note for the day, my generation will never enjoy the living standards comparable to prior generations.  As an added bonus, we've ended up saddled with the $17 trillion national debt racked up by our parents and grandparents and they will enjoy social security payouts in multiples we will never dream of.  All that, and here's something else to brighten your day and elevate your hope for the future.  Lucky for me, I'll never have to fucking worry about it again.  OMEGA bitches.