WTF Google? Somewhere in here you missed a post. It was a long one. A lot has happened to Labor Statistic since Week 1 and I know I blogged about it. Why didn't you publish? Here's what you failed to share between then and now:
I attended the seminar I mentioned in my last post (the one that actually got published) and guess what? I won a plant. The person who never wins anything gets her name announced to a room full of people who either a) know about her spotty employment history, or, b) have interviewed her and followed up with the requisite fuck-you letter, or, c) both a and b.
I met some very nice gentlemen from the United States Department of Homeland Security and they promptly escorted two of my employees out of the building.
A subpoena that was addressed to the previous HR Manager was delivered requesting documentation about a matter to which I cannot comment and my manager called the very office from which I was let go after 90 days for "formatting issues" and informed them that I am the new HR Generalist and she's the manager and she gave them our contact information. I've never been so close to having a heart attack. Obviously my objective needs to be to minimize contact between this office and my boss.
A bunch of other stuff probably happened, too, and now I can't remember.
I feel compelled to mention that I bought a chair last night and plastic wrap was included in some of the packing material. There was a warning on the sheet with the directions that indicated the plastic wrap should not be used as a head cover because it can cause suffocation. Sad. Thank God I now know this about plastic wrap so I don't try to cover my head with it.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Saturday, September 7, 2013
New Job - Week 1
Just thought I'd fill in those of you who haven't abandoned me (anyone? anyone?) about my first week of work at my new job. The following things occured:
1. They gave me all kinds of new stuff! I got a cell phone, laptop, and a bunch of keys. I have no idea what to do with all these keys.
2. I discovered I am listed on their organizational chart. Yikes!
3. I may need to practice some politics. I work for company XYZ and my boss works for company ABC, with which we're affiliated because they own a percentage share.
4. I'm amazed, once again, at how long some people can hold their bladders.
5. I got an extensive, and not very pretty, look at what happens from the time an animal comes in to the time it leaves. It's not in the same condition when it leaves.
6. I learned that severe safety violations result in lost appendages and lost jobs.
7. As an extension of # 6, I learned I could never, ever, be a medical professional.
8. As an extension of # 7, I learned the value of sanitizing wipes.
9. Next week I will have to attend a seminar at a place I once worked which I know will be attended by their HR Director. Again, I'm going to have to do some acting and pretend like I don't know who she is and I hope she does the same. The problem is that I don't want all these mother-fuckers to know where I work. I'm sick of thinking about the trail all the fucking time. So much anxiety.
10. Ack!!! I've realized I have no experience doing this and I'm not sure I'm ready for it!
Anyway, all in all things are going well.
1. They gave me all kinds of new stuff! I got a cell phone, laptop, and a bunch of keys. I have no idea what to do with all these keys.
2. I discovered I am listed on their organizational chart. Yikes!
3. I may need to practice some politics. I work for company XYZ and my boss works for company ABC, with which we're affiliated because they own a percentage share.
4. I'm amazed, once again, at how long some people can hold their bladders.
5. I got an extensive, and not very pretty, look at what happens from the time an animal comes in to the time it leaves. It's not in the same condition when it leaves.
6. I learned that severe safety violations result in lost appendages and lost jobs.
7. As an extension of # 6, I learned I could never, ever, be a medical professional.
8. As an extension of # 7, I learned the value of sanitizing wipes.
9. Next week I will have to attend a seminar at a place I once worked which I know will be attended by their HR Director. Again, I'm going to have to do some acting and pretend like I don't know who she is and I hope she does the same. The problem is that I don't want all these mother-fuckers to know where I work. I'm sick of thinking about the trail all the fucking time. So much anxiety.
10. Ack!!! I've realized I have no experience doing this and I'm not sure I'm ready for it!
Anyway, all in all things are going well.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Fish Face
I start my new job in two days and I'm looking forward to the future, but today I'm going to discuss the past because I think it bears repeating (often) that people fucking suck. Working with other people is very difficult for a variety of reasons and if anyone says differently it probably means that they're the annoying, bible thumping, grammatically incorrect fuck everybody in the office hates but, of course, they're impervious due to their complete lack of self awareness. What really blows my mind, though, is that the most severely incompetent people seem to skate by like a Catholic priest who is...you know where I'm going with this.
So, I would like to take this one step further and express my shock that there are actually people out there who resist attempts at training them to do their jobs. Whaaaa??? Oh, yes. These people exist. For example, at the job I left to accept the one I'm starting in two days I worked with a very strange and abrasive (yes, if I am describing someone else as abrasive it must be really bad) woman I'll call Fish Face. I'd compare her to a bull dog, but I think bull dogs are adorable and so I cannot make that comparison here. However, I encourage you to picture jowls, deep set wrinkles, and very prominent peach fuzz on a freckled redhead who appears to be 60 years old but is, in fact, only 43. She smokes a lot and smells like burnt, wet plants. I suspect it's weed, but maybe she just fucking stinks. Knowing the Director, she came in with a big bad attitude and seemed to think she already knew how to do everything. She strongly resisted our training efforts, thought office rules did not apply to her, and had a problem with EVERY SINGLE THING. The training manuals were terrible (they're wonderful), the filing system is not adequate (it's fine), and this and that and the other thing are all cluster fucks (this and that and the other thing are just peachy). I suspect this was all an attempt on her part to take the focus off the fact that she is not capable of critical thinking and simply doesn't understand a fucking thing about anything. Further, she was always acting like she had to do this or that or finish "the report" or pull "the report". What report? What bothered me more than anything is that she would rather do something wrong than just ask. It's so easy to ask! And guess who had to un-fuck everything she screwed up? Yep, the Labor Statistic. Like when she single-handedly destroyed our website and then tried to blame it on me. Um, no Fish Face. I was filing and not at my computer and certainly not logged into the website. Here's a tip, when you're editing a page on a website, never EVER hit the Trash button. Thankfully our host was able to retrieve an earlier version, but the whole incident took a few years off my life. THEN - she'd act like the office is such a cluster fuck. Um...ok? Also, her family called (despite the no cell phone policy) and stopped in numerous times every day for the dumbest shit and then she'd act like she was in prison and couldn't step away from doing nothing for even a minute. I can tell you this; I've had a lot of bad jobs and this wasn't one of them. Fish Face was so negative that it actually started pissing me off. Yes, ME! That takes something pretty special. Plus, she doesn't like dogs! Who doesn't like dogs? I don't think you can even trust a person who doesn't like dogs. Anyway, what I've described here is just the tip of the iceberg with this crazy bitch and, thankfully, it's over now. But I'm sure now that I'm gone she's trying to blame me for all kinds of stupid shit that has no merit and nothing to do with anything except that it somehow hinders her from doing her job and only God knows what that is exactly. To the Director who is the best boss I ever had: Good luck.
Sorry for my long rant today, but I just had to share. I've started school again so I know I will be busy in the coming months. My posts may be sporadic, but I have no intention of abandoning my blog. Here's some reading material for fun:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/10-things-co-workers-won-132014242.html?page=1
So, I would like to take this one step further and express my shock that there are actually people out there who resist attempts at training them to do their jobs. Whaaaa??? Oh, yes. These people exist. For example, at the job I left to accept the one I'm starting in two days I worked with a very strange and abrasive (yes, if I am describing someone else as abrasive it must be really bad) woman I'll call Fish Face. I'd compare her to a bull dog, but I think bull dogs are adorable and so I cannot make that comparison here. However, I encourage you to picture jowls, deep set wrinkles, and very prominent peach fuzz on a freckled redhead who appears to be 60 years old but is, in fact, only 43. She smokes a lot and smells like burnt, wet plants. I suspect it's weed, but maybe she just fucking stinks. Knowing the Director, she came in with a big bad attitude and seemed to think she already knew how to do everything. She strongly resisted our training efforts, thought office rules did not apply to her, and had a problem with EVERY SINGLE THING. The training manuals were terrible (they're wonderful), the filing system is not adequate (it's fine), and this and that and the other thing are all cluster fucks (this and that and the other thing are just peachy). I suspect this was all an attempt on her part to take the focus off the fact that she is not capable of critical thinking and simply doesn't understand a fucking thing about anything. Further, she was always acting like she had to do this or that or finish "the report" or pull "the report". What report? What bothered me more than anything is that she would rather do something wrong than just ask. It's so easy to ask! And guess who had to un-fuck everything she screwed up? Yep, the Labor Statistic. Like when she single-handedly destroyed our website and then tried to blame it on me. Um, no Fish Face. I was filing and not at my computer and certainly not logged into the website. Here's a tip, when you're editing a page on a website, never EVER hit the Trash button. Thankfully our host was able to retrieve an earlier version, but the whole incident took a few years off my life. THEN - she'd act like the office is such a cluster fuck. Um...ok? Also, her family called (despite the no cell phone policy) and stopped in numerous times every day for the dumbest shit and then she'd act like she was in prison and couldn't step away from doing nothing for even a minute. I can tell you this; I've had a lot of bad jobs and this wasn't one of them. Fish Face was so negative that it actually started pissing me off. Yes, ME! That takes something pretty special. Plus, she doesn't like dogs! Who doesn't like dogs? I don't think you can even trust a person who doesn't like dogs. Anyway, what I've described here is just the tip of the iceberg with this crazy bitch and, thankfully, it's over now. But I'm sure now that I'm gone she's trying to blame me for all kinds of stupid shit that has no merit and nothing to do with anything except that it somehow hinders her from doing her job and only God knows what that is exactly. To the Director who is the best boss I ever had: Good luck.
Sorry for my long rant today, but I just had to share. I've started school again so I know I will be busy in the coming months. My posts may be sporadic, but I have no intention of abandoning my blog. Here's some reading material for fun:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/10-things-co-workers-won-132014242.html?page=1
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