Now that I've made some introductions, I would like to explain a little bit about the corporate structure and political landscape to which I was subject. To begin, Becca Bacon and Delores Umbridge both work for a company called ISL. For lack of a better way to say this, ISL serves a corporate function for many affiliate companies. They provide "shared services" in the areas of IT, HR, etc. Heath Big Mac and Chicken Little both work for a company called FVT. FVT is technically an affiliate company, but not really. See, ISL doesn't have controlling interest. It's split right down the middle with the original ownership, who are big fans of Heath Big Mac. Now, the President of the Board for FVT (we'll call him Dick House) is also the President and CEO of ISL. In addition, he's the son of the founder of ISL. Here's the thing about Dick House, him and Chicken Little are good ol' boys. Dick House is the reason Chicken Little was brought to FVT so Dick House would never admit that it was a mistake.
Delores Umbridge was hired at ISL around the same time I was hired at
FVT. Her role was to manage the group that oversees payroll and benefit
functions for all affiliate companies. Lots more to come on this
bitch, so stay tuned.
Now, Becca Bacon, an HR Manager at ISL was my direct supervisor, although I was employed by FVT. FVT and ISL don't see eye to eye. So, how can this work, you ask? Well, it can't. You can't be employed by one company and report to someone who works for another company when those two companies want different things, there's nothing but friction, and nobody trusts anybody. It defies logic. And of course, the Labor Statistic got stuck right smack in the middle of all of it. Where else would I be? Apparently, life just wouldn't be in balance if I wasn't being confronted by an impossible situation. Time after time after time.
And here I must sign off for today. When I get to thinking about impossible situations, my entire life story somehow gnaws at my finger tips and there simply isn't enough hours in the day and so I must cut myself off for now and back away from the keyboard...
Friday, May 23, 2014
Friday, May 16, 2014
Sympathy for the Devil
So, before I get into the horrific details of the last eight months of my life I think it's important to make some introductions. Here they are, in order from least-hated to most-hated:
Please allow me to introduce Becca Bacon: I don't hate Becca Bacon, per se, but she was a pawn in this chess game and because of her role in all this nonsense an introduction is appropriate here.
Please allow me to introduce Heath Big Mac: Heath Big Mac is the big cheese. Heath Big Mac is ignorant (like most men) and explosive (like some men) and he has absolutely no concept whatsoever about what it means to be a respectful professional. I'd put him on the same level as a two year old throwing a tantrum.
Please allow me to introduce Delores Umbridge: Yes, this evil, heartless, manipulative snake in the grass is named after the Harry Potter character we all despise. Much the same, this bitch is equally condescending, demeaning, and terrifying. What I mean by terrifying is that, just like the character in the book, everything she owns is pink and her office looks like a 12 year old's bedroom. Seriously. It's fucking scary and very unprofessional.
...and finally,
Please allow me to introduce Chicken Little: This deranged hillbilly is the plant manager and is also the epitome of ignorance; we do not speak the same language. To me the sky is blue, but to him, it's bright orange. I physically hate this man and I will remember him for the rest of my life, and for nothing good. He is so abhorrent, I couldn't possibly find the appropriate words to describe him for the purposes of this introduction, but I will attempt to at least give you some perspective. This man is an iceberg waiting for the Titanic. He is so unbelievably inappropriate, and one of the most ineffective leaders I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. How one gets to this point in their career when they are the most unreasonable and illogical person on the planet is beyond me. He runs around all day like a chicken with his head cut off (remember Chicken Little? The sky is falling, the sky is falling! - Chicken Little did not care about facts) and accomplishes nothing except making everyone crazy because he thinks everything is an emergency. The words accountability and consistency are not in his vocabulary. They are foreign concepts to him. And how is it that someone at his level is exempt from doing their job? Apparently policy enforcement and fair and consistent treatment are not his responsibility despite the fact that he oversees the entire production management team and is responsible for all of the production in the plant. I have never seen anything like it! He fabricates things, plays games with people, and passes the buck. He also micromanages to a spectacular degree (every other department except the one he should be worried about) and I'm quite certain he suffers from "reportomania". He's very much a "quadratic formula for brownies divided by the square root of gummy bears" type of person. Yes, that level of logic. Guys like this idiot are generally detrimental to organizations. To learn more, click the link below.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micromanagement
Please allow me to introduce Becca Bacon: I don't hate Becca Bacon, per se, but she was a pawn in this chess game and because of her role in all this nonsense an introduction is appropriate here.
Please allow me to introduce Heath Big Mac: Heath Big Mac is the big cheese. Heath Big Mac is ignorant (like most men) and explosive (like some men) and he has absolutely no concept whatsoever about what it means to be a respectful professional. I'd put him on the same level as a two year old throwing a tantrum.
Please allow me to introduce Delores Umbridge: Yes, this evil, heartless, manipulative snake in the grass is named after the Harry Potter character we all despise. Much the same, this bitch is equally condescending, demeaning, and terrifying. What I mean by terrifying is that, just like the character in the book, everything she owns is pink and her office looks like a 12 year old's bedroom. Seriously. It's fucking scary and very unprofessional.
...and finally,
Please allow me to introduce Chicken Little: This deranged hillbilly is the plant manager and is also the epitome of ignorance; we do not speak the same language. To me the sky is blue, but to him, it's bright orange. I physically hate this man and I will remember him for the rest of my life, and for nothing good. He is so abhorrent, I couldn't possibly find the appropriate words to describe him for the purposes of this introduction, but I will attempt to at least give you some perspective. This man is an iceberg waiting for the Titanic. He is so unbelievably inappropriate, and one of the most ineffective leaders I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. How one gets to this point in their career when they are the most unreasonable and illogical person on the planet is beyond me. He runs around all day like a chicken with his head cut off (remember Chicken Little? The sky is falling, the sky is falling! - Chicken Little did not care about facts) and accomplishes nothing except making everyone crazy because he thinks everything is an emergency. The words accountability and consistency are not in his vocabulary. They are foreign concepts to him. And how is it that someone at his level is exempt from doing their job? Apparently policy enforcement and fair and consistent treatment are not his responsibility despite the fact that he oversees the entire production management team and is responsible for all of the production in the plant. I have never seen anything like it! He fabricates things, plays games with people, and passes the buck. He also micromanages to a spectacular degree (every other department except the one he should be worried about) and I'm quite certain he suffers from "reportomania". He's very much a "quadratic formula for brownies divided by the square root of gummy bears" type of person. Yes, that level of logic. Guys like this idiot are generally detrimental to organizations. To learn more, click the link below.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micromanagement
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
By the Power of 3 x 3
It's true what they say. Bad shit really does happen in 3's.
The Labor Statistic is back at it...again. I got fired (excuse me, constructively discharged) last Wednesday. It was political turpitude and it was bullshit and you will definitely hear more about it. Silver lining: I will now have more time to devote to this blog, especially since the available job prospects are no better than they were last year, the year before that, the year before that, and the year before that.
Then, four days later, my water heater took a shit. Shocker. Not only does this type of thing happen to me all the time, it always happens when I don't have a job, which is often, so I guess it makes sense.
Then, the next day I got a "fuck you" email for a job I'd applied for a few months back that I was very excited about. I had a phone interview two weeks ago and was anxiously awaiting an invitation for an onsite interview. I though it might be my ticket out of this God-forsaken shit hole I refer to as the black hole of death. In fact, that's the motto of this company - "The Way Out". Liars! So much for the theory that hand written thank-you notes make all the difference because no one takes the time to do this one simple thing to set them apart from other candidates. I've sent a lot of fucking thank-you notes over the years and I'm left to conclude nothing except that I must have incredibly offensive hand writing. Luckily, there is a silver lining here, too. My manager would have been a middle-aged man. I'm a man-hater and I've always said that no matter where I go there's a middle-aged man making my life miserable. Turns out this would have been no exception.
Oh, and as a cherry on top, I slipped on wet dog shit later that same day. I suspect this was the universe's way of letting me know that it is, in fact, going to kick me when I'm down.
The Labor Statistic is back at it...again. I got fired (excuse me, constructively discharged) last Wednesday. It was political turpitude and it was bullshit and you will definitely hear more about it. Silver lining: I will now have more time to devote to this blog, especially since the available job prospects are no better than they were last year, the year before that, the year before that, and the year before that.
Then, four days later, my water heater took a shit. Shocker. Not only does this type of thing happen to me all the time, it always happens when I don't have a job, which is often, so I guess it makes sense.
Then, the next day I got a "fuck you" email for a job I'd applied for a few months back that I was very excited about. I had a phone interview two weeks ago and was anxiously awaiting an invitation for an onsite interview. I though it might be my ticket out of this God-forsaken shit hole I refer to as the black hole of death. In fact, that's the motto of this company - "The Way Out". Liars! So much for the theory that hand written thank-you notes make all the difference because no one takes the time to do this one simple thing to set them apart from other candidates. I've sent a lot of fucking thank-you notes over the years and I'm left to conclude nothing except that I must have incredibly offensive hand writing. Luckily, there is a silver lining here, too. My manager would have been a middle-aged man. I'm a man-hater and I've always said that no matter where I go there's a middle-aged man making my life miserable. Turns out this would have been no exception.
Oh, and as a cherry on top, I slipped on wet dog shit later that same day. I suspect this was the universe's way of letting me know that it is, in fact, going to kick me when I'm down.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Friday, September 27, 2013
WTF Google?
WTF Google? Somewhere in here you missed a post. It was a long one. A lot has happened to Labor Statistic since Week 1 and I know I blogged about it. Why didn't you publish? Here's what you failed to share between then and now:
I attended the seminar I mentioned in my last post (the one that actually got published) and guess what? I won a plant. The person who never wins anything gets her name announced to a room full of people who either a) know about her spotty employment history, or, b) have interviewed her and followed up with the requisite fuck-you letter, or, c) both a and b.
I met some very nice gentlemen from the United States Department of Homeland Security and they promptly escorted two of my employees out of the building.
A subpoena that was addressed to the previous HR Manager was delivered requesting documentation about a matter to which I cannot comment and my manager called the very office from which I was let go after 90 days for "formatting issues" and informed them that I am the new HR Generalist and she's the manager and she gave them our contact information. I've never been so close to having a heart attack. Obviously my objective needs to be to minimize contact between this office and my boss.
A bunch of other stuff probably happened, too, and now I can't remember.
I feel compelled to mention that I bought a chair last night and plastic wrap was included in some of the packing material. There was a warning on the sheet with the directions that indicated the plastic wrap should not be used as a head cover because it can cause suffocation. Sad. Thank God I now know this about plastic wrap so I don't try to cover my head with it.
I attended the seminar I mentioned in my last post (the one that actually got published) and guess what? I won a plant. The person who never wins anything gets her name announced to a room full of people who either a) know about her spotty employment history, or, b) have interviewed her and followed up with the requisite fuck-you letter, or, c) both a and b.
I met some very nice gentlemen from the United States Department of Homeland Security and they promptly escorted two of my employees out of the building.
A subpoena that was addressed to the previous HR Manager was delivered requesting documentation about a matter to which I cannot comment and my manager called the very office from which I was let go after 90 days for "formatting issues" and informed them that I am the new HR Generalist and she's the manager and she gave them our contact information. I've never been so close to having a heart attack. Obviously my objective needs to be to minimize contact between this office and my boss.
A bunch of other stuff probably happened, too, and now I can't remember.
I feel compelled to mention that I bought a chair last night and plastic wrap was included in some of the packing material. There was a warning on the sheet with the directions that indicated the plastic wrap should not be used as a head cover because it can cause suffocation. Sad. Thank God I now know this about plastic wrap so I don't try to cover my head with it.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
New Job - Week 1
Just thought I'd fill in those of you who haven't abandoned me (anyone? anyone?) about my first week of work at my new job. The following things occured:
1. They gave me all kinds of new stuff! I got a cell phone, laptop, and a bunch of keys. I have no idea what to do with all these keys.
2. I discovered I am listed on their organizational chart. Yikes!
3. I may need to practice some politics. I work for company XYZ and my boss works for company ABC, with which we're affiliated because they own a percentage share.
4. I'm amazed, once again, at how long some people can hold their bladders.
5. I got an extensive, and not very pretty, look at what happens from the time an animal comes in to the time it leaves. It's not in the same condition when it leaves.
6. I learned that severe safety violations result in lost appendages and lost jobs.
7. As an extension of # 6, I learned I could never, ever, be a medical professional.
8. As an extension of # 7, I learned the value of sanitizing wipes.
9. Next week I will have to attend a seminar at a place I once worked which I know will be attended by their HR Director. Again, I'm going to have to do some acting and pretend like I don't know who she is and I hope she does the same. The problem is that I don't want all these mother-fuckers to know where I work. I'm sick of thinking about the trail all the fucking time. So much anxiety.
10. Ack!!! I've realized I have no experience doing this and I'm not sure I'm ready for it!
Anyway, all in all things are going well.
1. They gave me all kinds of new stuff! I got a cell phone, laptop, and a bunch of keys. I have no idea what to do with all these keys.
2. I discovered I am listed on their organizational chart. Yikes!
3. I may need to practice some politics. I work for company XYZ and my boss works for company ABC, with which we're affiliated because they own a percentage share.
4. I'm amazed, once again, at how long some people can hold their bladders.
5. I got an extensive, and not very pretty, look at what happens from the time an animal comes in to the time it leaves. It's not in the same condition when it leaves.
6. I learned that severe safety violations result in lost appendages and lost jobs.
7. As an extension of # 6, I learned I could never, ever, be a medical professional.
8. As an extension of # 7, I learned the value of sanitizing wipes.
9. Next week I will have to attend a seminar at a place I once worked which I know will be attended by their HR Director. Again, I'm going to have to do some acting and pretend like I don't know who she is and I hope she does the same. The problem is that I don't want all these mother-fuckers to know where I work. I'm sick of thinking about the trail all the fucking time. So much anxiety.
10. Ack!!! I've realized I have no experience doing this and I'm not sure I'm ready for it!
Anyway, all in all things are going well.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Fish Face
I start my new job in two days and I'm looking forward to the future, but today I'm going to discuss the past because I think it bears repeating (often) that people fucking suck. Working with other people is very difficult for a variety of reasons and if anyone says differently it probably means that they're the annoying, bible thumping, grammatically incorrect fuck everybody in the office hates but, of course, they're impervious due to their complete lack of self awareness. What really blows my mind, though, is that the most severely incompetent people seem to skate by like a Catholic priest who is...you know where I'm going with this.
So, I would like to take this one step further and express my shock that there are actually people out there who resist attempts at training them to do their jobs. Whaaaa??? Oh, yes. These people exist. For example, at the job I left to accept the one I'm starting in two days I worked with a very strange and abrasive (yes, if I am describing someone else as abrasive it must be really bad) woman I'll call Fish Face. I'd compare her to a bull dog, but I think bull dogs are adorable and so I cannot make that comparison here. However, I encourage you to picture jowls, deep set wrinkles, and very prominent peach fuzz on a freckled redhead who appears to be 60 years old but is, in fact, only 43. She smokes a lot and smells like burnt, wet plants. I suspect it's weed, but maybe she just fucking stinks. Knowing the Director, she came in with a big bad attitude and seemed to think she already knew how to do everything. She strongly resisted our training efforts, thought office rules did not apply to her, and had a problem with EVERY SINGLE THING. The training manuals were terrible (they're wonderful), the filing system is not adequate (it's fine), and this and that and the other thing are all cluster fucks (this and that and the other thing are just peachy). I suspect this was all an attempt on her part to take the focus off the fact that she is not capable of critical thinking and simply doesn't understand a fucking thing about anything. Further, she was always acting like she had to do this or that or finish "the report" or pull "the report". What report? What bothered me more than anything is that she would rather do something wrong than just ask. It's so easy to ask! And guess who had to un-fuck everything she screwed up? Yep, the Labor Statistic. Like when she single-handedly destroyed our website and then tried to blame it on me. Um, no Fish Face. I was filing and not at my computer and certainly not logged into the website. Here's a tip, when you're editing a page on a website, never EVER hit the Trash button. Thankfully our host was able to retrieve an earlier version, but the whole incident took a few years off my life. THEN - she'd act like the office is such a cluster fuck. Um...ok? Also, her family called (despite the no cell phone policy) and stopped in numerous times every day for the dumbest shit and then she'd act like she was in prison and couldn't step away from doing nothing for even a minute. I can tell you this; I've had a lot of bad jobs and this wasn't one of them. Fish Face was so negative that it actually started pissing me off. Yes, ME! That takes something pretty special. Plus, she doesn't like dogs! Who doesn't like dogs? I don't think you can even trust a person who doesn't like dogs. Anyway, what I've described here is just the tip of the iceberg with this crazy bitch and, thankfully, it's over now. But I'm sure now that I'm gone she's trying to blame me for all kinds of stupid shit that has no merit and nothing to do with anything except that it somehow hinders her from doing her job and only God knows what that is exactly. To the Director who is the best boss I ever had: Good luck.
Sorry for my long rant today, but I just had to share. I've started school again so I know I will be busy in the coming months. My posts may be sporadic, but I have no intention of abandoning my blog. Here's some reading material for fun:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/10-things-co-workers-won-132014242.html?page=1
So, I would like to take this one step further and express my shock that there are actually people out there who resist attempts at training them to do their jobs. Whaaaa??? Oh, yes. These people exist. For example, at the job I left to accept the one I'm starting in two days I worked with a very strange and abrasive (yes, if I am describing someone else as abrasive it must be really bad) woman I'll call Fish Face. I'd compare her to a bull dog, but I think bull dogs are adorable and so I cannot make that comparison here. However, I encourage you to picture jowls, deep set wrinkles, and very prominent peach fuzz on a freckled redhead who appears to be 60 years old but is, in fact, only 43. She smokes a lot and smells like burnt, wet plants. I suspect it's weed, but maybe she just fucking stinks. Knowing the Director, she came in with a big bad attitude and seemed to think she already knew how to do everything. She strongly resisted our training efforts, thought office rules did not apply to her, and had a problem with EVERY SINGLE THING. The training manuals were terrible (they're wonderful), the filing system is not adequate (it's fine), and this and that and the other thing are all cluster fucks (this and that and the other thing are just peachy). I suspect this was all an attempt on her part to take the focus off the fact that she is not capable of critical thinking and simply doesn't understand a fucking thing about anything. Further, she was always acting like she had to do this or that or finish "the report" or pull "the report". What report? What bothered me more than anything is that she would rather do something wrong than just ask. It's so easy to ask! And guess who had to un-fuck everything she screwed up? Yep, the Labor Statistic. Like when she single-handedly destroyed our website and then tried to blame it on me. Um, no Fish Face. I was filing and not at my computer and certainly not logged into the website. Here's a tip, when you're editing a page on a website, never EVER hit the Trash button. Thankfully our host was able to retrieve an earlier version, but the whole incident took a few years off my life. THEN - she'd act like the office is such a cluster fuck. Um...ok? Also, her family called (despite the no cell phone policy) and stopped in numerous times every day for the dumbest shit and then she'd act like she was in prison and couldn't step away from doing nothing for even a minute. I can tell you this; I've had a lot of bad jobs and this wasn't one of them. Fish Face was so negative that it actually started pissing me off. Yes, ME! That takes something pretty special. Plus, she doesn't like dogs! Who doesn't like dogs? I don't think you can even trust a person who doesn't like dogs. Anyway, what I've described here is just the tip of the iceberg with this crazy bitch and, thankfully, it's over now. But I'm sure now that I'm gone she's trying to blame me for all kinds of stupid shit that has no merit and nothing to do with anything except that it somehow hinders her from doing her job and only God knows what that is exactly. To the Director who is the best boss I ever had: Good luck.
Sorry for my long rant today, but I just had to share. I've started school again so I know I will be busy in the coming months. My posts may be sporadic, but I have no intention of abandoning my blog. Here's some reading material for fun:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/10-things-co-workers-won-132014242.html?page=1
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