WTF Google? Somewhere in here you missed a post. It was a long one. A lot has happened to Labor Statistic since Week 1 and I know I blogged about it. Why didn't you publish? Here's what you failed to share between then and now:
I attended the seminar I mentioned in my last post (the one that actually got published) and guess what? I won a plant. The person who never wins anything gets her name announced to a room full of people who either a) know about her spotty employment history, or, b) have interviewed her and followed up with the requisite fuck-you letter, or, c) both a and b.
I met some very nice gentlemen from the United States Department of Homeland Security and they promptly escorted two of my employees out of the building.
A subpoena that was addressed to the previous HR Manager was delivered requesting documentation about a matter to which I cannot comment and my manager called the very office from which I was let go after 90 days for "formatting issues" and informed them that I am the new HR Generalist and she's the manager and she gave them our contact information. I've never been so close to having a heart attack. Obviously my objective needs to be to minimize contact between this office and my boss.
A bunch of other stuff probably happened, too, and now I can't remember.
I feel compelled to mention that I bought a chair last night and plastic wrap was included in some of the packing material. There was a warning on the sheet with the directions that indicated the plastic wrap should not be used as a head cover because it can cause suffocation. Sad. Thank God I now know this about plastic wrap so I don't try to cover my head with it.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Saturday, September 7, 2013
New Job - Week 1
Just thought I'd fill in those of you who haven't abandoned me (anyone? anyone?) about my first week of work at my new job. The following things occured:
1. They gave me all kinds of new stuff! I got a cell phone, laptop, and a bunch of keys. I have no idea what to do with all these keys.
2. I discovered I am listed on their organizational chart. Yikes!
3. I may need to practice some politics. I work for company XYZ and my boss works for company ABC, with which we're affiliated because they own a percentage share.
4. I'm amazed, once again, at how long some people can hold their bladders.
5. I got an extensive, and not very pretty, look at what happens from the time an animal comes in to the time it leaves. It's not in the same condition when it leaves.
6. I learned that severe safety violations result in lost appendages and lost jobs.
7. As an extension of # 6, I learned I could never, ever, be a medical professional.
8. As an extension of # 7, I learned the value of sanitizing wipes.
9. Next week I will have to attend a seminar at a place I once worked which I know will be attended by their HR Director. Again, I'm going to have to do some acting and pretend like I don't know who she is and I hope she does the same. The problem is that I don't want all these mother-fuckers to know where I work. I'm sick of thinking about the trail all the fucking time. So much anxiety.
10. Ack!!! I've realized I have no experience doing this and I'm not sure I'm ready for it!
Anyway, all in all things are going well.
1. They gave me all kinds of new stuff! I got a cell phone, laptop, and a bunch of keys. I have no idea what to do with all these keys.
2. I discovered I am listed on their organizational chart. Yikes!
3. I may need to practice some politics. I work for company XYZ and my boss works for company ABC, with which we're affiliated because they own a percentage share.
4. I'm amazed, once again, at how long some people can hold their bladders.
5. I got an extensive, and not very pretty, look at what happens from the time an animal comes in to the time it leaves. It's not in the same condition when it leaves.
6. I learned that severe safety violations result in lost appendages and lost jobs.
7. As an extension of # 6, I learned I could never, ever, be a medical professional.
8. As an extension of # 7, I learned the value of sanitizing wipes.
9. Next week I will have to attend a seminar at a place I once worked which I know will be attended by their HR Director. Again, I'm going to have to do some acting and pretend like I don't know who she is and I hope she does the same. The problem is that I don't want all these mother-fuckers to know where I work. I'm sick of thinking about the trail all the fucking time. So much anxiety.
10. Ack!!! I've realized I have no experience doing this and I'm not sure I'm ready for it!
Anyway, all in all things are going well.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Fish Face
I start my new job in two days and I'm looking forward to the future, but today I'm going to discuss the past because I think it bears repeating (often) that people fucking suck. Working with other people is very difficult for a variety of reasons and if anyone says differently it probably means that they're the annoying, bible thumping, grammatically incorrect fuck everybody in the office hates but, of course, they're impervious due to their complete lack of self awareness. What really blows my mind, though, is that the most severely incompetent people seem to skate by like a Catholic priest who is...you know where I'm going with this.
So, I would like to take this one step further and express my shock that there are actually people out there who resist attempts at training them to do their jobs. Whaaaa??? Oh, yes. These people exist. For example, at the job I left to accept the one I'm starting in two days I worked with a very strange and abrasive (yes, if I am describing someone else as abrasive it must be really bad) woman I'll call Fish Face. I'd compare her to a bull dog, but I think bull dogs are adorable and so I cannot make that comparison here. However, I encourage you to picture jowls, deep set wrinkles, and very prominent peach fuzz on a freckled redhead who appears to be 60 years old but is, in fact, only 43. She smokes a lot and smells like burnt, wet plants. I suspect it's weed, but maybe she just fucking stinks. Knowing the Director, she came in with a big bad attitude and seemed to think she already knew how to do everything. She strongly resisted our training efforts, thought office rules did not apply to her, and had a problem with EVERY SINGLE THING. The training manuals were terrible (they're wonderful), the filing system is not adequate (it's fine), and this and that and the other thing are all cluster fucks (this and that and the other thing are just peachy). I suspect this was all an attempt on her part to take the focus off the fact that she is not capable of critical thinking and simply doesn't understand a fucking thing about anything. Further, she was always acting like she had to do this or that or finish "the report" or pull "the report". What report? What bothered me more than anything is that she would rather do something wrong than just ask. It's so easy to ask! And guess who had to un-fuck everything she screwed up? Yep, the Labor Statistic. Like when she single-handedly destroyed our website and then tried to blame it on me. Um, no Fish Face. I was filing and not at my computer and certainly not logged into the website. Here's a tip, when you're editing a page on a website, never EVER hit the Trash button. Thankfully our host was able to retrieve an earlier version, but the whole incident took a few years off my life. THEN - she'd act like the office is such a cluster fuck. Um...ok? Also, her family called (despite the no cell phone policy) and stopped in numerous times every day for the dumbest shit and then she'd act like she was in prison and couldn't step away from doing nothing for even a minute. I can tell you this; I've had a lot of bad jobs and this wasn't one of them. Fish Face was so negative that it actually started pissing me off. Yes, ME! That takes something pretty special. Plus, she doesn't like dogs! Who doesn't like dogs? I don't think you can even trust a person who doesn't like dogs. Anyway, what I've described here is just the tip of the iceberg with this crazy bitch and, thankfully, it's over now. But I'm sure now that I'm gone she's trying to blame me for all kinds of stupid shit that has no merit and nothing to do with anything except that it somehow hinders her from doing her job and only God knows what that is exactly. To the Director who is the best boss I ever had: Good luck.
Sorry for my long rant today, but I just had to share. I've started school again so I know I will be busy in the coming months. My posts may be sporadic, but I have no intention of abandoning my blog. Here's some reading material for fun:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/10-things-co-workers-won-132014242.html?page=1
So, I would like to take this one step further and express my shock that there are actually people out there who resist attempts at training them to do their jobs. Whaaaa??? Oh, yes. These people exist. For example, at the job I left to accept the one I'm starting in two days I worked with a very strange and abrasive (yes, if I am describing someone else as abrasive it must be really bad) woman I'll call Fish Face. I'd compare her to a bull dog, but I think bull dogs are adorable and so I cannot make that comparison here. However, I encourage you to picture jowls, deep set wrinkles, and very prominent peach fuzz on a freckled redhead who appears to be 60 years old but is, in fact, only 43. She smokes a lot and smells like burnt, wet plants. I suspect it's weed, but maybe she just fucking stinks. Knowing the Director, she came in with a big bad attitude and seemed to think she already knew how to do everything. She strongly resisted our training efforts, thought office rules did not apply to her, and had a problem with EVERY SINGLE THING. The training manuals were terrible (they're wonderful), the filing system is not adequate (it's fine), and this and that and the other thing are all cluster fucks (this and that and the other thing are just peachy). I suspect this was all an attempt on her part to take the focus off the fact that she is not capable of critical thinking and simply doesn't understand a fucking thing about anything. Further, she was always acting like she had to do this or that or finish "the report" or pull "the report". What report? What bothered me more than anything is that she would rather do something wrong than just ask. It's so easy to ask! And guess who had to un-fuck everything she screwed up? Yep, the Labor Statistic. Like when she single-handedly destroyed our website and then tried to blame it on me. Um, no Fish Face. I was filing and not at my computer and certainly not logged into the website. Here's a tip, when you're editing a page on a website, never EVER hit the Trash button. Thankfully our host was able to retrieve an earlier version, but the whole incident took a few years off my life. THEN - she'd act like the office is such a cluster fuck. Um...ok? Also, her family called (despite the no cell phone policy) and stopped in numerous times every day for the dumbest shit and then she'd act like she was in prison and couldn't step away from doing nothing for even a minute. I can tell you this; I've had a lot of bad jobs and this wasn't one of them. Fish Face was so negative that it actually started pissing me off. Yes, ME! That takes something pretty special. Plus, she doesn't like dogs! Who doesn't like dogs? I don't think you can even trust a person who doesn't like dogs. Anyway, what I've described here is just the tip of the iceberg with this crazy bitch and, thankfully, it's over now. But I'm sure now that I'm gone she's trying to blame me for all kinds of stupid shit that has no merit and nothing to do with anything except that it somehow hinders her from doing her job and only God knows what that is exactly. To the Director who is the best boss I ever had: Good luck.
Sorry for my long rant today, but I just had to share. I've started school again so I know I will be busy in the coming months. My posts may be sporadic, but I have no intention of abandoning my blog. Here's some reading material for fun:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/10-things-co-workers-won-132014242.html?page=1
Monday, August 12, 2013
Status: In Like Flynn!!!
The shoe dropped - and it dropped right smack on top of me!
I can't express the relief I feel right now, mostly because I'm on my third celebratory glass of wine!
I promise I will have plenty of negative and angry future posts, but I can't think of one harsh or sarcastic thing to say at the moment so I will just sign off with a prayer that everyone who is in the situation I was in is able to get through it with their sanity and self-worth in tact.
Here's a "word-of-the-day": Fortitude. I like it. It was used to describe Leah Remini and her separation from the church of Scientology. That's some pretty weird shit and I sure don't think I'll ever have to worry about being in that situation, but there's something very poetic about that word and now I'm thinking about getting another tattoo and I just know I've had too much to drink and I have to cut myself off for the night...thankfully the wine is gone.
I can't express the relief I feel right now, mostly because I'm on my third celebratory glass of wine!
I promise I will have plenty of negative and angry future posts, but I can't think of one harsh or sarcastic thing to say at the moment so I will just sign off with a prayer that everyone who is in the situation I was in is able to get through it with their sanity and self-worth in tact.
Here's a "word-of-the-day": Fortitude. I like it. It was used to describe Leah Remini and her separation from the church of Scientology. That's some pretty weird shit and I sure don't think I'll ever have to worry about being in that situation, but there's something very poetic about that word and now I'm thinking about getting another tattoo and I just know I've had too much to drink and I have to cut myself off for the night...thankfully the wine is gone.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Status: Shoe Dangling
Here's what happened:
I had a second interview with the HR Manager (really, a third if you count the phone screening). It went very well.
Yesterday, I met with the GM and that also went very well. I left feeling as though it was just a formality and I already had the job (I will find out for certain on Monday). I then proceeded to my local watering hole in search of some insider info, which left me feeling less sure about my original assumptions. It turns out, at least two other people also met with the GM - and there are probably more! Goodness! That's not good news. Maybe they, too, all left feeling like they're in like Flynn. My source did tell me everything I told her was positive - all good signs.
Everything has worked in my favor here (for once) and I don't think the circumstances could be better (for once) so if I don't get this job I've pretty much deduced that I'll never get any job. The silver lining here is that it's not a devastating loss. I still have a job and my boss tells me I'm like her right arm - not a third arm, but a right arm! It's nice to finally hear nothing but positive feedback, although I will be putting her in a tremendous bind by leaving, if that's what ends up happening.
Anyway, the shoe is dangling, but has not yet dropped. It will drop on Monday. I just hope it drops on me and not someone else.
I had a second interview with the HR Manager (really, a third if you count the phone screening). It went very well.
Yesterday, I met with the GM and that also went very well. I left feeling as though it was just a formality and I already had the job (I will find out for certain on Monday). I then proceeded to my local watering hole in search of some insider info, which left me feeling less sure about my original assumptions. It turns out, at least two other people also met with the GM - and there are probably more! Goodness! That's not good news. Maybe they, too, all left feeling like they're in like Flynn. My source did tell me everything I told her was positive - all good signs.
Everything has worked in my favor here (for once) and I don't think the circumstances could be better (for once) so if I don't get this job I've pretty much deduced that I'll never get any job. The silver lining here is that it's not a devastating loss. I still have a job and my boss tells me I'm like her right arm - not a third arm, but a right arm! It's nice to finally hear nothing but positive feedback, although I will be putting her in a tremendous bind by leaving, if that's what ends up happening.
Anyway, the shoe is dangling, but has not yet dropped. It will drop on Monday. I just hope it drops on me and not someone else.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
The Third Leg
Ok...those of you who have not already abandoned me have my profuse apologies. More people have died. Life has gotten in the way.
While I do have more horrific Barbie updates to share with you, I must fill you in on what's been going on with my job situation, which is the whole reason I started this blog. (Sometimes I get side tracked, and I'm sorry. I love to share my opinions and random thoughts as much as Miley Cirus loves to twerk).
After I started my most recent job this May (see previous posts) I applied for a Human Resources Generalist job at a company that previously offered my a three month internship doing job descriptions, which I declined because the thought of being knee deep in bird guts for $11/hr without the promise of permanent employment wasn't very appealing. And I'd received another job offer that turned out to be the disaster of the year. Anyway...my current job is going very well. Very, very well. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. I don't want to do it for the rest of my life, but it's fine for now. I interviewed for the HR Generalist job and I received a call tonight from the HR Manager requesting that we meet tomorrow when I'm done with work to "talk about the job". I'm not sure what that means, but I think I might have a hard choice to make. Not that I'm complaining about that, mind you. After all I've been through, I should be grateful to have options. It's just that nothing good can happen for me unless it's at the expense of something else. Something is FINALLY going well for me and I'll have to leave if I'm offered the HR Generalist job. I feel like I've been trying to balance on a two-legged stool for way too long and this job is the third leg. This job is the EXACT title and experience I need under my belt, like, yesterday.
So while my boss (who is so wonderful!) keeps giving me more money (yet still not enough to make a difference) and bringing me cookies and zucchinis and telling me how much she appreciates everything I do, I'm wondering how things could possibly work out for me in such a way that instead of celebrating my official start in two days (I was hired as a temp) I will probably be breaking the news that I'm leaving. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm putting the cart in front of the horse here and I won't have anything to tell her at all. I just feel terrible, though, if I end up leaving her with the only other employee who works there who's just the most horrible, incompetent person ever. (Don't worry - she's worthy of her own blog post and she'll get it)!
I'd grown tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop and when I finally accepted that maybe it never would and I'd never fulfill my full potential, I now feel like I may be knocking on the door to new possibilities. An HR Generalist is not an entry level job. It's a mid-level job with a direct path, especially for someone with a master's degree. Finally. This could be the beginning of a career and the end of a life of searching for the next crappy job. Anyway, I'll let you know if the shoe actually does drop tomorrow. For now, I'm going to get back to doing homework and watching Biggie & Tupac: The Story Behind the Murder of Rap's Biggest Superstars. If I have any thoughts about the thug life you'll read about it. :)
While I do have more horrific Barbie updates to share with you, I must fill you in on what's been going on with my job situation, which is the whole reason I started this blog. (Sometimes I get side tracked, and I'm sorry. I love to share my opinions and random thoughts as much as Miley Cirus loves to twerk).
After I started my most recent job this May (see previous posts) I applied for a Human Resources Generalist job at a company that previously offered my a three month internship doing job descriptions, which I declined because the thought of being knee deep in bird guts for $11/hr without the promise of permanent employment wasn't very appealing. And I'd received another job offer that turned out to be the disaster of the year. Anyway...my current job is going very well. Very, very well. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. I don't want to do it for the rest of my life, but it's fine for now. I interviewed for the HR Generalist job and I received a call tonight from the HR Manager requesting that we meet tomorrow when I'm done with work to "talk about the job". I'm not sure what that means, but I think I might have a hard choice to make. Not that I'm complaining about that, mind you. After all I've been through, I should be grateful to have options. It's just that nothing good can happen for me unless it's at the expense of something else. Something is FINALLY going well for me and I'll have to leave if I'm offered the HR Generalist job. I feel like I've been trying to balance on a two-legged stool for way too long and this job is the third leg. This job is the EXACT title and experience I need under my belt, like, yesterday.
So while my boss (who is so wonderful!) keeps giving me more money (yet still not enough to make a difference) and bringing me cookies and zucchinis and telling me how much she appreciates everything I do, I'm wondering how things could possibly work out for me in such a way that instead of celebrating my official start in two days (I was hired as a temp) I will probably be breaking the news that I'm leaving. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm putting the cart in front of the horse here and I won't have anything to tell her at all. I just feel terrible, though, if I end up leaving her with the only other employee who works there who's just the most horrible, incompetent person ever. (Don't worry - she's worthy of her own blog post and she'll get it)!
I'd grown tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop and when I finally accepted that maybe it never would and I'd never fulfill my full potential, I now feel like I may be knocking on the door to new possibilities. An HR Generalist is not an entry level job. It's a mid-level job with a direct path, especially for someone with a master's degree. Finally. This could be the beginning of a career and the end of a life of searching for the next crappy job. Anyway, I'll let you know if the shoe actually does drop tomorrow. For now, I'm going to get back to doing homework and watching Biggie & Tupac: The Story Behind the Murder of Rap's Biggest Superstars. If I have any thoughts about the thug life you'll read about it. :)
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
No. Barbie Never Can Win.
Ok, what the fuck? To answer my own question, (see post from April 22, Can Barbie Ever Win?) no. Apparently Barbie can never win. Not only has Barbie been exposed to the world in all her natural glory (to include braces, zits, and frizzy hair), now, apparently, it was deemed necessary to make her short, fat, and ugly. I'm sorry I must share with you the atrocities I've just witnessed, but I'm at a loss. I don't know what else to do here but spread this around. It pains me to post this link, but I have to do it...
Barbie Gets (Another) Real Makeover
Again, what the fuck? I think they're confused. See, the real Barbie (and truly, I can't even say that because I believe that to be a semi-mutilated version of her, as well) is standing next to the thing that reminds me of this dyke softball coach who somehow made it into the MBA program I was in and attempted to draw parallels from everything to sports because life is just one big fucking soccer game, apparently. She also thought she shouldn't work or do anything on Sunday as it's the Sabbath and she always feels guilty for doing so much and blah blah blah. I believe, (although I could be wrong) that on the seventh day God rested. I also believe that followers were commanded to simply remember the Sabbath day to keep it Holy or some such shit. Anyway, I remember wanting to stick my pen through my eye into my brain and swirl it around. Clearly she missed that message and now I'm off topic. What I'm trying to say, is that this assault on Barbie gives me a similar urge to blind myself.
I hope every pathetic, stupid, sad, fat, ugly, nasty, hairy bitch out there is happy. You won today. Enjoy it mother fuckers.
Barbie Gets (Another) Real Makeover
Again, what the fuck? I think they're confused. See, the real Barbie (and truly, I can't even say that because I believe that to be a semi-mutilated version of her, as well) is standing next to the thing that reminds me of this dyke softball coach who somehow made it into the MBA program I was in and attempted to draw parallels from everything to sports because life is just one big fucking soccer game, apparently. She also thought she shouldn't work or do anything on Sunday as it's the Sabbath and she always feels guilty for doing so much and blah blah blah. I believe, (although I could be wrong) that on the seventh day God rested. I also believe that followers were commanded to simply remember the Sabbath day to keep it Holy or some such shit. Anyway, I remember wanting to stick my pen through my eye into my brain and swirl it around. Clearly she missed that message and now I'm off topic. What I'm trying to say, is that this assault on Barbie gives me a similar urge to blind myself.
I hope every pathetic, stupid, sad, fat, ugly, nasty, hairy bitch out there is happy. You won today. Enjoy it mother fuckers.
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