The Plan is Coming Together

In another piece of depressing news, economists quoted in an article I read today have confirmed what I've long suspected: The recession left millions of college-educated Americans working in coffee shops and retail stores. Now, new research suggests their job prospects may not improve much when the economy rebounds.
Underemployment—skilled workers doing jobs that don't require their level of education—has been one of the hallmarks of the slow recovery. By some measures, nearly half of employed college graduates are in jobs that don't traditionally require a college degree.
Economists have generally assumed the problem was temporary: As the economy improved, companies would need more highly educated employees. But in a paper released Monday by the National Bureau of Economic Research, a team of Canadian economists argues that the U.S. faces a longer-term problem.
They found that unlike the 1990s, when companies needed hundreds of thousands of skilled workers to develop, build and install high-tech systems—everything from corporate intranets to manufacturing robots—demand for such skills has fallen in recent years, even as young people continued to flock to programs that taught them.
There are people with master's degrees and bachelor's degrees and even people with law degrees applying to work for $10 an hour.  Many are back in school pursuing advanced degrees in the hopes of getting an edge. Demand for college-level occupations—primarily managers, professionals and technical workers—peaked as a share of the workforce in about 2000, just as the dot-com bubble was about to burst, and then began to decline. The supply of such workers, meanwhile, continued to grow through the 2000s. The subsequent housing boom helped mask the problem by creating artificially high demand for workers of all kinds, but only temporarily.
The good news?  I'm way ahead of the game.  I've got my eye on a retail job (if they're hiring) at a store in my local mall, which is now mostly used as office space.  The store's primary demographic is the baby boomer.  In fact, according to the mission statement on their website, they will  "provide our Baby Boomer customers with brand platforms that offer compelling product assortments, meaningful brand experiences and convenient multi-channel accessibility that reflects our respect and knowledge of both her wardrobe and lifestyle needs."  I'm going to go ahead and suggest that this company is clearly not thinking strategically (long-term) and I'm going to throw out there that they reassess their mission because their entire customer base is going to be dead in about thirty years.  However, this plan fits in perfectly with the whole being underemployed and unemployed again (because they'll eventually go out of business or at least close the store here in town) in the future extravaganza (see yesterday's post, ...and other harsh realities).  If this doesn't work, I worked at Dairy Queen in high school so maybe they'll take me back.  Now, if I could just get my hands on a few bucks to shove under my mattress.  I'm going to need to start saving for all the dope I'm going to have to buy...

...and other harsh realities

Today I found an article on onlinecolleges.net that pretty much hits the nail on the head and I would like to discuss some of the sobering health, career, and social implications of being a member of the long-term unemployed. Many of these unfortunate side effects could last a decade or more.

1. Many people focus on lost wages during periods of unemployment but fail to recognize the major career setback that may take years to overcome. This may be due to being forced to accept lower salaries when rejoining the workforce or taking jobs for which you are overqualified. For those who graduate college and find themselves victims of a bad job market, the stage will likely be set for a lifetime of lost earnings to the tune of $100,000 or more which doesn't even include the months of unemployment and/or underemployment they will face.
2. Study after study has proven that, while everyone deals with crises differently, lack of health insurance and preventive care, stress, and depression associated with unemployment take a huge toll on the overall health of just about everyone, decreasing life expectancy, especially in those who face unemployment at a younger age. Other issues include developing high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, and even gastrointestinal issues.
3. Those who face long-term unemployment in their younger years, especially in their 20s, are at a much higher risk of developing substance abuse problems and depression by middle age. While some of these effects may be alleviated by finding a new job, their risk factors for developing mental health issues remains much higher than that of their peers who didn't face unemployment.
4. Because unemployment will likely lead to greater risk adversity when it comes to money, it is likely that this group, according to financial experts, will suffer serious long-term consequences which may make it difficult to retire. Let's forget for a moment the broken Social Security system and the fact that being unemployed makes it nearly impossible to save anything (unfortunately, a dollar now is worth a lot more than a dollar ten years from now), but a likely side effect of long-term unemployment is becoming so conservative with your money that you are not willing to take investment risks.
5. Long-term unemployment seems to create a stigma that follows an individual through decades of their career. Not only will they likely accept less pay when they do find work, but they're also more likely than their co-workers to face future unemployment and for longer periods than those who haven't previously lost work.
6. An interesting side effect of long-term unemployment is a failing confidence in democracy, changing how you feel about civic society and basic democratic institutions.
7. A staggering number of unemployed people report that they've lost friendships and that family relations have become stressed.
8. This one is obvious. Long-term unemployment is linked to a loss of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth, depression, and a general negative mood.
9. Feelings of helplessness and loss of control can last long after new employment is found. Young people who live through downturns are much more likely to doubt that they have control over their careers, viewing career success as luck rather than a result of personal action. Many believe that this will have a considerable impact on their ability to achieve long-term career goals.
   To recap:  I can expect to earn much less throughout my career because of this major setback. I'm going to slip into a diabetic coma and die at least 1.5 years sooner than my unaffected peers. I'm going to develop substance abuse problems and lose my shit.  I'm going to stuff my money under my mattress.  I'm going to face unemployment again in the future.  My already fragile confidence in democracy is going to crumble altogether.  I'm going to lose the few friends I have (things on the home front have definitely been strained from time to time).  While I once thought I was the bomb diggity, I can tell you that is no longer the case.  Most of the time I hate other people, but sometimes I hate myself.  Finally, I feel helpless.  I feel I have no control and I feel that achieving career success is a matter of luck because it has been proven to me over and over again that personal action accomplishes nothing.  So there you have it.

Banging My Head Against The Wall

I'm miffed.  My mother, bless her heart, tries to be helpful by sending me information about jobs she thinks I should apply for but, more often than not, it just fuels my general state of aggravation.  She's suggested some pretty ridiculous shit, such as getting my CNA so I can wipe 90 year old ass for $9 an hour or applying for a position overseeing youth programs because I went to summer camp as a child or enrolling in a six month medical transcription program as if that would somehow guarantee a job or applying for a job in which I'd be required to live on the grounds year-round(can I bring my boyfriend and two dogs, and, oh yeah, what about my house?), but the suggestion I received today takes the fucking cake.  As fate would have it (and I know this is how fate would have it because fate likes to piss in my face), an assistant position in the HR area was just posted at the agency from which my employment was recently terminated.  She's suggesting I apply for this position.  Not only that, but also that I should use an employee from the office I used to work in as a reference, as if that bitch would do me any favors.  Further, one of the job duties of the position involves recording board minutes and assembling board packets for the very board on which the very person who dismissed me from employment serves!  To make matters worse, I graduated from the same master's program as the HR Director, which I could tell she didn't like when I interviewed with her for the job in which I was hired for and fired from in a matter of 90 days.  What a shame.  This would be a good opportunity if only I'd never been hired there in the first place.  The cherry on top is that this is the second HR position I haven't been able to apply for in the last week on account of this whole fiasco.  There is an opening for a Human Resources Assistant at the very organization where the wife of the dick head who fired me is a manager.  From the land of no opportunity, the Labor Statistic is signing off for today because she has to go find a big ass towel to wipe all the piss off her face.

The World I Know

I seem to be an unwilling participant of some sort of cruel phenomenon in which I'm forced to live in poverty and then denied assistance from the very resources that can't give it away fast enough to those who do nothing but abuse it.  Yes, I have applied for public assistance and was denied for the following reasons:
1.  I am childless and, therefore, shit out of luck.  Apparently the more children you have, the less you have to worry about how you're going to support them because the government will take care of it for you.  They will make sure you have financial assistance, food assistance, child care assistance, and a roof over your head.
2.  I had a part-time job, which disqualified me from receiving income assistance, despite the fact that I've spent exactly one year of my life earning anything more than poverty wages.  Who knew that making zero effort while looking for a full-time job would be the more lucrative option?
So that didn't work out for me.
I applied for a home rehab loan (and trust me, if anyone needs this service it's me) from a community non-profit (yes, I was overlooked in favor of a baby boomer who will retire in two years for a job I really really wanted there, and I know this because the organization which provided me with the above-mentioned, assistance-blocking part-time employment hosted a networking function for them) that claims to help people while changing lives through their anti-poverty initiatives.  To be fair, my home was built in 1970 and their cutoff is 1976, but I wasn't even given the courtesy of a fuck you letter.  Nothing.  Zero Communication.  The final straw, and what compelled me to focus on this topic for this particular post, is that they've posted an opening for a Self Sufficiency Case Manager.  Applicants must have sensitivity toward economic and cultural issues facing people in poverty.  They will provide assistance to those in financial crisis or who are unable to meet their basic needs.  They will work together to form goals and develop plans to meet long-term stability and they will direct clients to services within the community.  I'd be curious to know what help they could offer me.  Oh yeah, I forgot.  Not a fucking bit of it.  And most certainly not a job.  I feel the very same way about the "re-employment session" I was forced to attend at my local government center.  I did not receive one useful piece of information or assistance.
So, therein lies the burning question.  What assistance is out there for those of us who are educated, childless, motivated, competent, and incredibly unlucky?  None, I've concluded.  If you want long-term stability you'd better get on the GED/baby-making wagon, and fast. 

A Different Kind of Statistic

Today my activities consisted of applying for a position for which I'm majorly overqualified at a company for which I used to work, applying for a job that's 45 miles away that I'll never get hired for, and attending a meeting with a temporary staffing agency for the position I mentioned in my "Applying in Circles" entry.  It turns out the position is truly temporary, not indefinitely temporary (that's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one).  The duration is 6-8 weeks because the dullest bulb in the tanning bed is knocked up.  What the fuck?  By my estimation, she raced home to bang her husband the second her health insurance coverage became effective.  She's already cost the company a great deal more money that I would have.  Unfortunately, I really don't see the benefit in pursuing this further.  As luck would have it, the afternoon wasn't a total waste.  I found out my typing skills are above average.  Woohoo.
This brings up another topic I was going to save for a rainy day to address.  A lot of people in my generation are putting off starting a family, due to economic concerns, until they get all of their ducks in a row.  At the rate I'm going, I'll be fucking infertile by the time that happens (if it even happens at all).  I don't know if I really want kids or not but, I'm in my late twenties (okay...a stone's throw away from 30...OH.MY.GOD) and I can literally feel my eggs drying up one by one.  What's a girl to do?  Refuse to entertain the possibility of children until things stabilize (I think children at least deserve a finished house, for God's sake)?  Or, throw caution to the wind and join the ranks of (mostly uneducated) mothers who expect the welfare system to step up and provide the support their children need.  Hey, I'm a tax paying citizen (when I'm lucky enough to have a job), too, and I'm just considering all the options.  And that's what it's come down to for me.  If I'd gotten knocked up in high school (a whole different kind of statistic!) and if I just smoked weed all day long instead of looking for jobs I'd be no worse off than I am now.  I'll leave you to ponder that thought.

Words of Wisdom

I desperately wish I'd gone to school to do hair.  How sad.  Not that it would guarantee clients and not that there isn't a surplus of cosmetologists in my small community, but at least I would have something to fall back on.  Hindsight is 20/20.  While there are a million things I'd do differently if I could turn the clock back ten years, I'm going to take this opportunity today to bestow upon you some practical advice if you want job security for the next 20-30 years.
1.  Go to school to be a nurse.  Specifically, get your LPN and get a job (hopefully it includes a sign on bonus).  Let your employer pay for your RN.  Let your employer pay for your P.A. or Nurse Practitioner education.  The median salary for the average female Physician's Assistant is a mere $5,000 less than the median salary for the average female physician.  Not too shabby.  Even if you stop at your RN you'll still make around $30 an hour.  Not to shabby, either.  Shit, even LPNs make $15-$19 per hour.  I'd take that in a heartbeat. 
2.  On this same train of thought, go to school to be a pharmacist.  Just like hospitals are going to be bombarded by baby boomers, so are pharmacies.  This path is slightly more expensive, but this career is the highest paying, on average, for women in this country.
3.  If you have the means to finance it and are positioned desirably in terms of geography, open an assisted living facility/nursing home or start a home health company, because you will have a long waiting list in the coming years.
4.  Go to school to be a funeral director and then move to Florida.  Seriously.  For a two year investment in your education you can provide an expensive service that every single person in the country needs.  EVERY SINGLE PERSON!!!  Morbid?  Maybe.  But true. 
5.  Finally, there are a lot of unemployed attorneys in this country.  The popular and long-standing belief is that going to law school will guarantee a job and a good income.  While that's true to some extent (there's nothing preventing any law school graduate from opening a private practice, after all) the majority of entry-level and assistant attorneys make less than school teachers.  So, (and I bet you've already guessed it) specialize in estate law and open your own practice.  Like I said above, everyone is going to die.  The smart ones pay good money to plan for it.  Again, this is one of the more expensive options, but a viable one, nonetheless.
The sad demographic truth is that baby boomers are going to bleed our generation for years so it only makes sense to make a profit off of them.
Finally, if you're stupid enough to go to college, for God's sake do well in high school and apply for every scholarship you can.  That shit's expensive.

Isn't it Ironic?

How's this for ironic?  Yesterday I attended a federally required "re-employment session" at my local government center.  The same one from which my employment was terminated.  In fact, the state agency providing this gracious and ridiculously unnecessary service is located right across the hall from the very office that was kind enough to hire and fire me after 90 days of employment.  This experience is dehumanizing enough for the average person, but to have to endure it when you know the representative conducting your session is going to skip down the hall on her break to talk shit is enough to make a grown woman want to cut someone.
Anyhow, (and this is the most frustrating part because I'm confronted by it on a daily basis) as you may have guessed, I'm already doing everything I possibly can and more in pursuit of a job.  In fact, I don't know one single person who has applied for more jobs than I have.  I don't know one single person who has done more to make herself employable than I have.  I feel like the grossly obese person who subsists on nothing but vegetables and the occasional piece of fish and exercises two hours a day only to continue gaining weight.
Searching employment websites and job banks and newspapers and every other source under the sun day in and day out and applying for every possible position I can?  Check.
Keeping my resume and cover letter current and customizing it to specific positions because I know a great deal of companies use word-matching software?  (I won't even mention the fact that it should be grammatically correct.  If your documents are not free of spelling and grammar errors, you don't deserve a job).  Check.
Utilizing quality references?  Check.
The good news is that I think I made this lady more uncomfortable than she made me.  I'd called her in an attempt to cancel the appointment, informing her that I'm well versed in job searching.  She told me that nobody thinks they need to come to these sessions and that I had to go.  Okay, lady...whatever you say.  The look of shock on her face when I produced the list of jobs I've applied for in the past three years (with the positions I've applied for since I was fired highlighted in yellow, of course) was somewhat satisfying.  Then, the second I informed her the only thing I can do differently is to leave my master's degree off of my resume because apparently it is not sufficient and that I've returned to school to pursue a second bachelor's degree in HR she seemed to sense that I was on the verge of a complete mental break down and the meeting was over.  You see, she didn't get the satisfaction of providing me with brand new information and I hope the fact that I'm likely more qualified to do her job than she is crossed her mind.  Also, unlike the clientele to which she's accustomed (trust me, if you lived around here you'd understand what I mean), I know that I'm expected to be actively searching for employment and I know how to turn on a computer.  I was told to set aside 90 minutes for this meeting; it lasted 10 minutes.
I'm super cranky today.  Sorry for the rant.

Lord Have Mercy

A few days ago I applied for a job that was posted with an application deadline of one month from now, and today I received a strange voice mail.  They left a long and rambling message informing me that they received my application and (while laughing and speaking in a somewhat sarcastic tone) indicated that the deadline is in a month and thanked me for my application as if it's somehow funny I applied for this job and even funnier that I did it in a timely fashion.  Here's a news flash for employers across America:  If you post an open position, you should expect that people are going to apply for it. 
The truth?  This position is with a church.  My mother, bless her soul, is a fruit cake and is an organist, among other things, at several churches and offers her services for weddings and funerals, as well.  Also, I was confirmed at this particular church due to the fact that the pastor at the church I was forced to attend while growing up refused to confirm me because he thought I was hostile (the reality is that he's mentally ill).  This same pastor was my mother's pastor at the church she attended while growing up in another town and was also forced to undergo anger management counseling on the order of his senior Bishop.  His wife is a sad little toad of a woman who is strangely offended by my mother and her organ-playing abilities.  Ahhh...the aforementioned trail. 
I feel strange discussing my religious proclivities (or lack, thereof) on an unemployment blog, so I won't.  Or maybe I'll save it for another day.  Needless to say, churches are not generally places where I feel welcome.  I don't know if he was laughing for any of the reasons I mention above or if the content of my resume, cover letter, and reference letters is hysterical, but I'm sure I'll never hear from him again.  Amen. 

The Trail

Everyone remembers the infamous episode of Friends where Ross has sex with the copy girl and, with Chandler's help, connects the dots to reveal the trail that leads back to his girlfriend, Rachel.  Despite his desperate attempts at damage control, Rachel finds out about his indiscretion from Gunther and the "we were on a break!!!" saga that punctuates the show through seven more seasons is born.
Applying for jobs in a small town is a little like that.  For any particular position, the Labor Statistic must consider who she knows at the company and who they know and so forth.  For example, I opted not to apply for a certain position at a certain company today for the following reasons:
1.  An employee there was once friends with the Biggest L.  Fun Fact:  This same employee was fired from a previous employer for whom my current boyfriend used to work.
2.  Another employee there is the daughter of a crazy lady (I think methamphetamines may be partially to blame for that) who viciously lashed out at me for having to be the person to vacuum the restaurant we worked at when I was 19 years old and told by the owner to punch out because it was a slow night.
3.  Another employee assaulted my high school friend on her own property after screwing around with her boyfriend.  Naturally, I felt inclined to jump to my friend's defense.  Enough said.
4.  Another employee, who we'll call the dull dud, became oddly attached (I don't like the word obsessed - too creepy!) to me after we dated very casually for about a month.  When I say attached I mean it in the most unhealthy way possible.  (Note to sad, lonely, desperate people everywhere:  Nobody likes sad, lonely, desperate people.)
Let's face it, they're going to give the job to someone referred by a current employee anyway so there's really no point in applying.  As we all know, Ross and Rachel eventually work things out and it only takes seven years.  I've got four years to go.  There are way too many copy girls in my life and, right now, Rachel is not hiring.  What am I going to say if she asks for an explanation of employment gaps?  We were on a break?

Applying in Circles

Just a short one today.  I think I speak for the long-term unemployed when I express my frustrations at having to apply for the same jobs multiple times because there are so few options available.  A while back, I applied for a job I really wanted at a company in which I was desperate to get my foot in the door.  An insider informed me this particular company likes to hire and promote people with MBA's.  I have not found this to be the case.  Anyway, I went through an extremely long and tedious interview process at the end of which the position was offered to the dullest bulb in the tanning bed.  I'll save my thoughts on male preferences for hiring the high school cheerleader for another post, but losing out on yet another job I really wanted to someone less educated and generally mentally deficient was a major disappointment. 
This same position is now available through a staffing agency with whom I'm meeting next week.  So, I predict I will go through the same extremely tedious process (only this time the best I can hope for is getting the position on a temporary basis while the dullest bulb enjoys the benefits of full-time employment) at the end of which they'll inform me I was not selected but encourage me to continue applying.  And applying.  And applying.  And applying...and applying.  So I'll let you know how it goes.  Labor Statistic is signing off for today.  Peace out!

The Back Story

I bet you're wondering what Labor Statistic did to end up in the clutches of the sinking black hole.  The answer:  Lots of things.  Like most people my age, I was told that I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up and that going college was the most direct route to success and financial security.  So, I labored under these delusions throughout my childhood and well into my twenties believing that the only logical progression of events included getting my degree and receiving numerous job offers (handsome salary & benefit package included!) from which I wouldn't be able to choose and so, naturally, a bidding war would ensue.  As most of you have probably guessed, this is not what happened.  Here's what happened:
I pissed away ten years on my loser (now ex) high school boyfriend, who we'll call the Biggest L.  Pissing activities included wasting three years to follow him, on my parent's dime, to a different town to attend community college for something I'll never, ever use.  Then, moving back to my hometown (the land of no opportunity) to subsequently purchase a house in 2008 (we all know why that was a bad move) that I couldn't maintain or afford on my own.  The Biggest L (who was so terrible he deserves his own blog) never contributed and owed me several thousand dollars when he moved out shortly after.  In the meantime, I'd gotten my bachelor's degree and had begun graduate school.  I had my first real, entry level job and it made me absolutely miserable, but thought I could buy whatever I wanted, (and did) relying on credit cards to fund my lifestyle thinking that after graduate school I'd surely land a job that would allow me to pay it all back.  I failed to understand that I was stuck with a house I couldn't afford to begin with that was quickly losing market value and, because of that, was stuck in the land of no opportunity indefinitely.  I quit my miserable job in search of greener pastures which, incidentally, were uninhabitable and cemented my dependence on credit cards.  I had no choice but to quit and have since gone through a string of jobs including (once again) waiting tables, serving drinks, low wage, 100% commission sales for products that are unsellable, etc...  Now that I have my master's degree I've managed to wedge myself into the category of the over-educated and under-experienced.  Not a good place to be, especially in the land of no opportunity.  And the house you'd suggest I sell?  Every single thing that could possibly break, broke.  Everything that could flood, flooded.  Unfortunately, I needed the insurance money to live because of stretches of unemployment or working low wage jobs.  My house sits in a million pieces.  Torn out floors.  Half painted, every door needs to be replaced, cracked foundation, overgrown enormous yard, unpaved driveway, the list goes on and on and on. I have lost control of my life and I don't even know how and there's no end in sight.  No fix for my continually falling credit score.  No fix for my substantial credit card debt.  No promise of a job in the future and, therefore, no hope of refinancing.  That's the thing about mistakes.  You don't just pay for them.  You pay and you pay, and pay, and pay, and pay...
So, I've enrolled in school once again to obtain a second major in Human Resources.  After searching for a decent job for the last three years I decided my name should appear on the bottom of the rejection letters and emails instead of at the top.  Also, it's interesting!  I'm excited for the mass retirement (and hopefully the opportunities it will provide to those of us who have to make up a ton of ground) that's expected over the next decade or so and plan focus on it from time to time in this blog.  And I need the student loan money to live on.  Low/no interest money and income based repayment plan?  Yes, please!  Because I'll probably never find a job.
Sorry for the length.  I could go on and on.  Really, I could write a book about the last decade and call it "Stranglehold".  Anyway, just wanted to establish a foundation for future posts (which I promise will be shorter and funnier in the future!).  Labor Statistic is signing off for the day.  Peace out!

Hello World!

Well here I am.  Everyone tells me I should blog and I think they're right.  The main focus of this blog is going to be my personal experiences searching in vain for employment with an advanced degree (M.B.A) in rural America during a time of economic uncertainty.  The almighty dollar stretches about as far as the almighty denim supporting my continually expanding waistline (more on the importance of exercising during unemployment later).  Anyway, after getting fired and applying for my 437th job this year I decided I needed a place to document the black hole I've been attempting to claw out of for the past three years.  The black hole exists largely due to poor choices on my part (more on that later, as well) but to a greater extent because of the quicksand-like vice grip of economic collapse.  For me, there is a black hole within a black hole.  The events of the last ten years of my life echo a domino effect, one piling right on top of the next, to create the perfect shit storm.  I will try to make my posts as humorous, albeit sarcastic, as possible and I apologize in advance if they get a bit dark but, let's face it, The Great Recession is a dark mother-fucking hole.  From the perspective of a Human Resources student and a member of the "lost generation" I hope to entertain you with relevant, thought provoking content.  And sometimes I'm just going to talk about whatever the hell I want.  Cheers!